awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
