Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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