I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
