i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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