i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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