I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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