The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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