Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Your dad touched me again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
