my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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