Dual....:-)
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
