Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
