I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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