i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
