The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
