Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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