i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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