i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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