come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
