I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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