I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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