One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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