I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
