You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he thought i was a dude.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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