Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
