somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
