You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
