you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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