wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
