You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
