hotel room ftw
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't deserve a penis
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize