we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
