whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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