Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
