i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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