I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize