batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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