sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
