i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
