Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
