Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
