Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
