I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
