HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just used a chaser for red wine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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