remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize