i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
