Someone shit on the floor
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
