we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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