I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
time to smoke my breakfast
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
