i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
