Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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