hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
