Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
