Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
3pm strippers are depressing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
