i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
