my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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