Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
