dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
