So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
