The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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