no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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