You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
