I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
