are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
