If that was your dad, he is hot
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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