Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
