If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
