I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
