i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
