I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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