Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize