i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
