once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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