I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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