May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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