Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
