fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
